And so we wait….

It has been a year since we saw this beautiful face.

And my breath caught  in my throat and I knew!  I knew she was meant to be my daughter.  We were still waiting to travel for Sarah but I knew we would be back for her.  

Only weeks after we came home with Sarah updated pictures showed up on the website.  And we both knew it was time to start over.  

In February we received approval to pursue her adoption.  Things moved along well.  Homestudy was updated, immigration approval was extended, dossier was prepared and authenticated and finally sent to China.  On July 3rd we were once again officially logged into the system.  And we began the wait for our LOA or letter of approval.  This wait was 42 days with Sarah.  We began to hope for possible Thanksgiving travel.  However, I began to realize that this wait was beginning to stretch.  Just watching the facebook groups and boards I knew they were coming in around 60-70 days and then we received an official email stating that the waits were stretching  60-90 days.  So we settled in.  And I really was waiting pretty well.  20 days, 30, days, 40 days, 50 days….now getting a little restless.  60 days…..it's time!  I began to communicate with some fellow moms wo had simialr log in dates.   We were all gettin restless.  And then on day 67 we got word that we were out of review!!!  Rejoicing!  All that was left was the match review stage.  I knew that typically people jumped from review to match review anywhere from one day to 2 weeks.  Most of the other families that got news that day skipped the review notice and went straight to match review.  I just knew ours would come quickly.  It did not.  One week….two weeks…..nothing.

The possibility of Thanksgiving travel passed.  We set our sights on Chirstmas.

Tomorrow marks 90 days waiting for this precious piece of paper…. a month since we were out of review.  No news except that we haven't moved.  Tomorrow starts a week long holiday in China.  So we will not get anymore news for at least a week.  

Christmas travel is not likely. 

I have cried my ugly cries and I wish I could tell you I am ok with it.  I'm not ok.  I am weary of waiting.  She is 13.  She needs to come home.  

But…..

I know that God loves Emily more than I do.  I know he doesn't waste time.  I have prayed that he will redeem this time by prerpaing her heart for us and preparing us for her.  I know his timing is perfect.  I know these things.  I am repeating them daily.  

I was also reminded this past sunday that we are not given a spirit of fear….fear for her health….fear that we won't travel in a timely manner or when we can all go….fear for our process.  We have been given a spirit of love….love for this precious girl…love for all four of my children and a spirit of self control…..controlling my fear….controling my worry.  And that is hard.  

And so we wait…day 90.  We will likely hit 100 days.  And we will strive to be patient.  And we trust in the Lord's timing and in his love for Emily.